Ron Burgundy’s Top 5 Excuses for Not Changing Diapers

Rumor has it that Ron Burgundy may have a baby (and face a custody battle) in the greatly anticipated Anchorman sequel premiering on Christmas.  Yup!  Ron Burgundy reproduces!  Now, we can’t imagine Mr. Burgundy would exactly embrace the task of changing diapers, so here are some more colorful excuses he could use to avoid diaper duty…

Ron Burgundy’s Top 5 Excuses for Not Changing Diapers

5. “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I can’t risk contaminating my delicious-smelling books with the stench of that baby’s Lincoln Logs!”

4. “Ooohhh, it’s the deep burn. Oh, it’s so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many curls. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand. Phew! No way do I have the strength to change a diaper after that!”

3. [The baby cries because his diaper is full] RON: “You know I don’t speak Spanish.”

2. As explained to new colleague Veronica Corningstone:

VERONICA: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.

RON: I’m not a baby, I’m a man! I am an anchorman!

VERONICA: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!

RON: I’m a man who discovered the wheel, and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn! That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science. That’s why you change the diapers and we…

VERONICA: … Wear them?

RON: Exactly.

1. RON: [After finally agreeing to change a particularly nasty diaper] “I immediately regret this decision.”

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